


Essay Contents

by SamCyberCat



Category: Free!
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-08 22:26:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15253395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamCyberCat/pseuds/SamCyberCat
Summary: Nagisa doesn't feel able to reach out for help in his struggles with ADHD, so Haru comes to him.





	Essay Contents

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AmberGalaxy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmberGalaxy/gifts).



> Birthday gift for the wonderful StarryAmber! Inspired by that one episode of Eternal Summer where they touched upon Nagisa's problems with studying, because I always thought the concept of Nagisa possibly having ADHD was pretty interesting and wish that they'd done more with it in the series. I know that Amber has also been interested in this, as well as Nagisa & Haru's relationship, so I thought I'd combine the two for this fic.

The document was technically not blank.

There was a title, as well as a section in the footnotes where references would go once Nagisa had any. But beyond those two components, the document might as well have been blank.

He stared at it, seeing less of the page the more he looked. The bright white background was beginning to hurt his eyes. Rei had recommended that switching to a different coloured background for writing his essays might help prevent that, but changing the colour of the background was just one more thing that Nagisa hadn't done yet.

The list of things that Nagisa hadn't done yet was long and this essay sat at the top of it.

Ever since the assignment had been handed out, the essay had lingered in Nagisa's mind. He knew from experience that if he nipped it in the bud, if he'd started the essay right away, that would get it off his mind and stop it from being a problem. Yet despite knowing this, Nagisa hadn't addressed the problem. The essay stayed in the back of his mind, never quite going away when he did anything else. No matter what else he was doing, there was still that little nagging voice telling him that he needed to do the essay.

He'd have time. That was the most dangerous thing to think. He'd kept looking up the due date of the essay to reassure himself that he had time. Until he didn't have any time left. The essay was due tomorrow.

There were two conflicting pieces of advice that Nagisa had been given about writing essays, although Nagisa assumed they applied to many other aspects of life as well. The first was that if you weren't feeling up to the task, then you couldn't force it. If Nagisa didn't know what to write as he sat there staring at the screen, then he couldn't make that knowledge appear out of thin air. That advice would recommend that he got up, walked around, maybe got something to eat and cleared his head while he waited for inspiration to strike him. The problem was that Nagisa had run out of time to follow that advice.

Which left him with the second option – that the best way was to just do it. If he started writing something – anything – then the rest of the words would follow. The essay would flow out of him once he got onto the right track. And yet here he was, staring at the document, not able to conjure up even an introduction.

In times like this, Nagisa couldn't stop himself from thinking about what Rei would do. Rei wasn't like Nagisa, his brain worked differently. Rei would have started the essay on the first day it was given to him and then spent the rest of his time proof-reading and perfecting it until it was ready to hand in. Rei would do so much. While Nagisa was struggling just to do words...

Sometimes looking up to Rei wasn't the best course of action for Nagisa, at least not in this. He had no doubt that if he called Rei to ask for advice, Rei would give him plenty. But that would mean admitting that he'd left the essay until the last minute and Rei wouldn't like that.

There was always Makoto or Gou, both of whom were less intense about studying than Rei was, but still generally did a good job. They'd probably be more understanding about him having left this until the last minute. And yet still Nagisa couldn't shake the possibility that they might be disappointed in him.

Ugh! It wasn't as if they were his parents. They were his friends. He shouldn't be feeling like this about talking to them.

...Wait. There was also-

“Let's go out.”

Nagisa wasn't usually someone who was taken by surprise. More often than not, he was the one doing the surprising. And yet when he heard Haru's voice behind him, Nagisa almost jumped out of his skin. He whirled around, trying to hide that anything had been wrong.

“Haru-chan! When did you get here? I'm sorry, I'd love to go out with you, but I need to get this essay finished,” Nagisa said.

He gestured to the document and Haru's gaze followed. It wasn't clear from Haru's blank expression how he felt about the matter. But to Nagisa, it was obvious that the essay didn't actually need to get finished - it needed to get started.

“Forget about it. We should go out now,” said Haru.

With that, he turned to head out the door, not even explaining how he'd gotten into the house in the first place. One of Nagisa's sisters had probably let him in. Nagisa stared after him, torn between needing to finish his essay and desperately wanting to be anywhere else other than sat in front of that computer.

In the end, following Haru won out. Nagisa was nothing if not his own worst enemy.

“So where are we going, Haru-chan? It's pretty late, are we having an adventure?” Nagisa chimed, feeling the life flow back into him as the two of them left the house.

“I don't know yet,” Haru answered.

“Ooh, mysterious!” said Nagisa, “Are the others coming as well or is it just us?”

“Just us,” Haru confirmed.

With that, the two of them began walking through town. It was a nice night and Nagisa filled the air with chatter. Perhaps a little too much chatter, considering that it was getting late, but Nagisa just didn't have a dial-down on his volume once he got started. Thankfully he didn't seem to be bothering anyone. It was a hot summer evening, but the breeze was nice, so people's moods were probably good.

Haru didn't say very much, just letting Nagisa talk for the both of them, but he would answer any questions that Nagisa asked him. And he bought them both ramen from a stand down by the beach, so Nagisa wasn't going to complain. Food with good company was the ideal way to spend time for Nagisa.

...And get still the essay wasn't getting done.

That thought came back to Nagisa like lightning striking from the sky. Suddenly his ramen didn't taste so good. He swallowed the noodles and stared out at the sea.

“I'm not going to get it finished...” he mumbled.

“I know,” Haru replied.

Nagisa didn't need to specify that he was talking about the essay, Haru just knew it was that. Yet still, Haru's reply hurt Nagisa. He turned to look at Haru, his face filled with betrayed shock.

“Then why did you take me away, Haru-chan? If you knew that I needed to finished, then why did you ask me to come with you?” Nagisa demanded.

“Because you were hurting yourself,” answered Haru.

Was that... a good enough reason? Nagisa shook his head.

“Even if it was difficult, I needed to get it done! No matter how much I think I'm struggling, I can't just... not do it. That doesn't solve the problem,” he insisted.

“It isn't worth you hurting yourself,” Haru maintained.

“I don't think... my teachers would agree with you...” said Nagisa.

“Then they're bad teachers,” Haru replied.

There was just no reasoning with Haru. He saw the world in his own way and would not be swayed. At times like this, Haru broke his logic down to the simplest of concepts and then acted upon that. The essay was hurting Nagisa, therefore Nagisa shouldn't do the essay. And yet... the world wasn't that simple. Nagisa couldn't get out of the essay or any other responsibilities just because he didn't want to do them. Nagisa's mind worked differently to other peoples' as well, just like Haru's did, and yet still he knew that he couldn't get away with that.

“There's still time. I should get back home and keep at it. Even if it's not very good, I can get something done by morning,” said Nagisa.

“You're not listening to me,” said Haru.

“Because you're not helping!” Nagisa snapped, bubbling over too much to hold it back, “You say that I just shouldn't do the essay, but what happens when I go to class with nothing? What happens when I fail? How can I look at my parents and Rei-chan and everyone else, knowing that they're disappointed in me? What happens then, Haru-chan?”

“You don't know for sure that any of those things will happen,” replied Haru.

“But I do! People who can't pass high school don't get good jobs,” Nagisa sobbed.

“Coach Sasabe didn't pass high school and he's got a good job,” Haru insisted.

“Some people just get lucky,” said Nagisa.

“How do you know that you won't get lucky?” said Haru.

“Because no one can know that. Luck's not something anyone can know. I can't throw my chances away hoping that I'll get lucky,” Nagisa argued.

For a moment, Haru went silent. He stared out into the ocean and Nagisa could tell that he was thinking over what Nagisa had said, trying to come up with a solution. But at the end of the day, there was no solution and what Haru said next confirmed that like a punch to the stomach.

“So if you force yourself to do the essay, then it hurts you... But if you don't do the essay, then it hurts you as well...” Haru said, “What if I don't want you to get hurt?”

Nagisa shrugged; “Then we're both stuck. I don't want to get hurt either, but here we are.”

“Why doesn't the school help you, if they know you're struggling?” Haru asked.

“Because life sucks,” said Nagisa. It was the only answer he had.

“What about your parents? They could afford to help you,” Haru went on.

“I don't want to disappoint them... After they let me stay in the swim club, I think they thought my studies would magically get better. Maybe I thought that as well. But it didn't get better and now I'm here,” Nagisa explained. Then he looked at Haru, properly looked at him; “...Is there anything you can do to help me?”

“...There's always something that can help.”

That was the answer that Nagisa needed to hear, whether it was true or not. He wanted to believe it.

Haru took him by the hand and the two of them walked away from the ocean. For once, Nagisa was quiet. He followed where Haru was leading him, dimly aware that they were heading back towards Haru's house, where he lived alone. Nagisa had never been more grateful of that fact than he was right now. Even when they passed Makoto's house, all the lights were off, so no one would come after them. It was just Nagisa and Haru.

***

The next morning it was still just Nagisa and Haru. When Nagisa woke up, he realised that he'd been sleeping with his head in Haru's lap, Haru gently stroking a hand through his hair. It felt nice, but... what time was it? And what about the essay?

Nagisa jerked up, looking around frantically for a clock. He couldn't see one, but the sun was so high in the sky that they had to be late!

“It's okay, I've called the school and your parents,” Haru calmly said.

“A-and...?” Nagisa said.

“They know you're not going in today,” said Haru.

Nagisa's shoulders slouched, but he didn't feel relaxed just yet. There was still too much that he didn't know.

“Then I've got more time to do the essay...?” he mumbled. Although that would turn into more time to put off doing it, knowing Nagisa.

“I told them that the essay was making you ill and they understood,” said Haru, “Sometimes you just need to put it into words that they understand. I said that if they thought you were just being lazy, that I'd be angry with them.”

Haru... didn't come from this planet, did he? Every solution he had seemed so simple and yet so unreal compared to what Nagisa thought of as normal social etiquette. Something like that just couldn't have worked at all.

“Were they... annoyed?” Nagisa checked.

“I think they were more surprised,” said Haru, “But they said that they'd give you an extension. I tried to get it so you didn't have to do the essay at all, but there was no way...”

“Hah... I kind of guessed there wouldn't be,” Nagisa said, “But I'm glad you tried, Haru-chan. It's good that you care so much.”

Did that mean Nagisa was back to square one with the essay, only with a longer deadline to get it finished, thus more time to worry about it? He should be grateful, he knew that, yet still he regarded the essay with dread.

“I'm not finished helping,” Haru said, snapping Nagisa out of his thoughts, “You shouldn't have to go away and just worry about it for even longer. I want to be with you while you do this. I'll help you find your topic and then help you write it.”

“I don't even have a topic, Haru-chan,” Nagisa sighed, “I've just got no idea what to write.”

“Then why don't you write about this?” Haru asked.

Nagisa looked around; “About... your house?”

It was a nice house, but he didn't think that his teachers would want to hear about it.

“No, about what you're feeling,” Haru clarified, “Write about what your brain does when you get assigned an essay, from the beginning all the way through to the end.”

“Would people want to read about that?” said Nagisa, “It might sound like I'm just making excuses.”

“I think that there's lots of people like you,” Haru said, “And there's lots of people already writing about being like you. If you write about it, maybe you can reach them. But there's no one who knows what exactly Nagisa is going through better than Nagisa.”

It made sense, didn't it...? Even if Nagisa wasn't sure anyone would care, at the end of the day, this feeling was something that he knew all about. It was something he could write, drawing from his own experiences. Was that what they meant when they said write what you know? Nagisa looked across at Haru, his face filled with awe.

“Haru-chan... you've figured it out! That's what I'm going to write!” Nagisa chimed.

In his usual manner, Haru just nodded, as stoic as ever. But it meant so much to Nagisa. Everything Haru had done meant so much to him.

***

Nagisa would be lying if he said it was all smooth sailing after that. Because even with his new-found topic and determination, sometimes his attention wandered. There'd be times when he'd be writing the essay one minute, but then the next thing he knew, he'd been standing in the kitchen for half an hour, stuffing his face with sweets from the cupboard.

Yet every time that happened, he made a note of it. By the time he finished his essay, he listed a full count of all the times he'd got distracted while writing it. All the times he'd stopped to do something else, both consciously and subconsciously. The final number... it was a lot. Yet it added to Nagisa's point, so that was good.

He felt nervous reading out his essay two weeks after everyone else. The teacher had set aside a timeslot for it and all eyes were on Nagisa, including Rei's. Thankfully public speaking wasn't something that Nagisa struggled with. He read his essay confidently, explaining as best he could all of his struggles, before finishing on the final tally of his own distractions.

“...So even when I was really, really trying, it still ended up being that much. I don't want to be like this, but I can't just ignore the problem like Haru-chan first thought. I have to find ways to make it work, to make me fit into the world. Even now I'm already worried about the next essay, because I can't just write about the same thing again, can I? But hopefully... my brain will get a break before we get to that. It already feels fried!” Nagisa concluded, trying to end his speech on a laugh that just came out strained.

When he lowered his paper, he saw that many of the people in his class were looking at him as if seeing him for the first time, including the teacher. So Nagisa bowed.

“Thank you all for waiting for me. It took a bit longer, but I got here,” he said.

Then he took to his seat once more. Whatever happened from here on out, Nagisa was satisfied with what he'd achieved today. And he knew in his heart that Haru would be as well.


End file.
